PRATICE EXAM 2/ REVISION

I was asked to write an essay," revising the essay, "What I'm good at," written by an 18 year old young man, with an Asian back ground.  After reading the essay, the writer's thesis statement was clear.  He obviously thought very highly of himself.  Overall the writer's voice was clear, but got lost in rhetoric, bad grammar and the use of slang words through out.


I'd like to begin on a positive note.  The writer's clear thesis statement, as well as, positive regard for himself were the two strengths of this essay.  The many concerns globally, and locally is what the basis of my revision essay will focus on.


There were global flaws in this essay, specifically the use of rhetoric, which caused the essay to appear unorganized.  The writer talked on and on about himself, saying basically the same things.  His sentences ran on, starting with the very first line, which caused his confusion in topics, "I've discovered that I'm good at partying, spending $$ on Fashion, Clubbing, and enjoying delicious food," (1).


Bad grammar was a common theme in the entire essay.  His use of capitol letters incorrectly in sentences, and symbols for words made the essay sound as though a child had written it.  For example, his use of $$, "Spending $$ on Fashion," (1).  The continued misuse of commas, or maybe the overuse made the essay difficult to follow.


The writer's vocabulary was limited, and substituted for with the use of slang, "each time I carry at least 2G's on me," (2).  His use of slang limited the audience he would be able to reach.  Anyone outside of his peer group would show very little interest in anything he had to say, because they wouldn't be able to understand him.


My advice to the writer of this essay, would be to scrap the entire essay.  Start over by first taking basic English classes, in which he'll learn proper use of grammar, and vocabulary.  He should then enroll in English composition, where he'll learn  to take basic grammar and his new vocabulary, to compose well written essays.

PRACTICE EXAM 2/RESPONSE AND ANALYSIS

"Digging," by Seamus Heaney, is a poem written by a young man during his impressionable years.

The narrator speaks of watching his father/grandfather plant, and harvest potatoes for 20 years,"Bends low, comes up twenty years away,"(Heaney 7).  Although he is very proud of the hard work both men displayed, which is evident in his use of rhyme, diction, and tone.  The narrator clearly doesn't want to follow in their footsteps.


The narrators reminiscing of the above gave him fond memories.  The pleasure of the memories can be felt in the first-fourth lines of the poem.  These lines flowed rhyming the words, "thumb, gun, sound and ground,"(Heaney 1-4).  After that the narrators direction changed from carefree memories to a more serious reflective tone. 

The diction used, purposeful words which allowed the reader to actually hear the digging, "the squelch and slap of the soggy peat/the curt cuts of and edge",(Heaney 25-26).  With the minds eye you can hear the spade cut through the earth, as the men went about their work.  The narrator observing the hard work put forth by both men.


The narrators tone gave voice to a young man, who had great pride, as well as, respect for the hard work his father and grandfather portrayed.  This was evident when he spoke of his father, "By god the old man could handle a spade/Just like his old man,"(Heaney 15-16).  He was beaming with pride when he said, "My grandfather cut more turf in a day/Than any other an on Toner's bog,"(Heaney 17-18).


Although the narrator voiced immense pride for both  men's hard work, the conflict for him, was his not wanting to follow in their foot steps.  He was a writer and would choose a pen over a spade, "But I've no spade to follow men like them//The Squat pen rests, I'll dig with it,"(Heaney 28-31).

PRACTICE EXAM 2/PREWRITING: ANALYSIS/RESPONSE

I.  Introduction: "Digging", by Seasum Heaney.

     a. a son compares his tool which is a pen to the tool of his father/grandfather, which is a spade.
     b. Thesis: use of rhyme, diction and tone to tell story

II. Rhyme:

     a. lines in stanza I and II rhyme

III.Diction

     a. word choices used to describe digging, "the squelch and slap of soggy peat/the curt cuts of an
         edge," (Heaney 25-26).

IV.  Tone

        a. Narrators voice depicting pride at how hard his father worked, " By god, the old man could
            handle a spade/Just like his old man," (Heaney 15-16).
         b. "My grandfather cut more turf in a day/Than any other man on Toner's bog," (Heaney 17-18).

V.    Conclusion:

         a.  Although the narrator was very proud of how hard his father/grandfather worked, he decided
              he wouldn't follow in their  footsteps, "But I 've no spade to follow men like them///The 
            squat  pen rests, I'll dig with it,: (Heaney 28-31).

PRACTICE EXAM2/ARGUMENTATION

In Steven Kings piece, "Why we crave horror movies," his argument is that each of us has a level of
mental illness; insanity, that gets fed when we watch horror movies, "I think that we're all mentally
ill; those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better-and maybe not at all that much better,
after all,"(King 1).  His argument is based on observations of people he's known, "We've all known
people who talk to themselves, squinch their faces, have some hysterical fears," (King ).  He considers people who exhibit these traits as mentally ill, so when such people attend horror movies, they do so to feel normal.  My position as to why people attend horror movies is based on personal
experience.  Horror movies have always been thrilling, compelling, and exciting to watch.  The need to satisfy the above emotions is the appeal in my opinion.

Growing up in a strict, Christian household, many things were considered taboo.  Horror movies were not allow.  They were considered evil, satanic, and not healthy for children to watch.  We were always told, "you're going to have nightmares if you watch movies like that".  In order to watch a horror movie, it had to be late night when the parents were asleep, or out of the house.  Just the thrill of getting away with watching the movies, was almost as thrilling as the movie itself.

The anticipation of what horrible deed, or who the villain was going to devour, compelled the viewer to continue watching.  As the movie climaxed, with nail biting sound effects, it became increasingly compelling.  This is the point where the audience was on the edge of their seats, in anticipation for what was to come.

The anticipation for what was to come turned into excitement.  Sound effects, like the squeaking door or foot steps only increased the excitement.  Realizing it was just a movie, satisfied the appetite for gore.  So, in opposition to Kings belief that horror movies are craved to satisfy the mentally ill or insane, "those of us outside of the asylum only hide it a little better," (King 1).  I'd have to say, that the mass majority of horror movie watchers are perfectly sane.  They attend horror movies for the adrenaline rush.  Horror movies for some are entertaining, and for others feed the cravings for thrill seeking, withour having to jump out of a plane.

PRATICE EXAM 1/REVISION

After reading the letter written by outraged students regarding their college considering mandatory community service hours as a graduation requirement, I have several concerns in the form of an critique. The concerns are from a both global and local perspective.

In the letter the students are very clear regarding their opposition to mandatory community service.
This is the one and only strength I can find in the letter.  The poor organization/structure in which the student chose to write the letter in my opinion down played their position making the letter almost
laughable to the recipient.  The lack of logical transitioning between paragraphs read as though the writer was ranting rather than expressing.  There is no evidence presented as it relates to any compromise on the students part.  No mention of research stating pros/cons to community service. 
The letter appears reactive not well thought out, without any background or history regarding the topic.

The letters conclusion restates the fact that the students are against a community service requirement in the very same language as the introduction.  There is no mention of being open to discussion of matter with administration and the letter is signed "outraged students".  This gives the impression of an unwillingness for further discussion. 

The limited vocabulary, lack of sentence variety, as well as, run on/fragmented sentences made the letter read as though it was written by someone with very little intelligence which in my opinion diminished the students voice.  Spelling, grammar and punctuation errors strongly interfered with the
validity of the students position.

So that the point doesn't get lost with rhetoric, my advice would be for the writer to re-approach the writing process to make their position known along with the reasons why.  Present evidence to support their position using intelligent, correctly spelled words with correct grammar.  I would suggest that the writer closed the letter with the understanding that the students are open to discussing the matter with administration.

PRACTICE EXAM 1/Analysis/Response Essay

In the poem, "Musee' des Beau Arts," by W.H. Auden, the narrator compares his feelings on human
suffering to the painting, "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus," by Pieter Brueghel.  The narrators
strong diction, use of imagery and tone clearly allows the audience to view his moral stance on
the subject.  Auden takes a stance a few lines into the poem.  His diction apparent and his outrage
evident regarding the suffering when he says, "About suffering they were never wrong,"(Auden3).
He goes on to talk about how "the Old Masters/understood its human position,"(Auden 4,5). Accepting life as it is.  Throughout the entire poem the narrators continued use of word play sets
the audience up for the picture he was painting.  Human suffering taking place while people just
went on with the leisures of their own lives.

The use of imagery first in the paintings title, "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus," one starts to
visualize trees, grass, woods and a pond.  The pond becomes clearly present when the narrator
speaks of, "children skating on a pond at the edge of the wood,"(Auden 10,11).  Setting the minds
eye up for the tragedy that's taking place, while all things leisurely are going on in spite of disaster,
"the ploughman may Have heard the Splash, the forsaken cry,"(Auden19,20).  He chose to ignore what was going on around him, "But for him it was not important failure, the sun shone,"(Auden 21).

Audens tone remained consistent thoughout this piece.  From the first stanza when he speaks of suffering to the second stanza when he speaks of the image of a boy falling out of the sky.  His
outrage is apparent.   One can almost hear his disdain for society and its lack of concern
when he says, "That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course,"(Auden13). Which he
says in order to express to the reader the extent of his disgust.

Audens, "Musee' des Beus Art," and his comparison to the painting, "Landscape the Fall of Icarus,"
is a call to the human condition.  Telling the story with purposeful word choices while painting the
picture in the minds eye with use of strong images, his message was delivered and received.  Society
must not continue with its self consumed way of life   Attention must be made to the suffering around us or even martyrdom is in vain. 

PRACTIVE EXAM 1/PREWITING: "Musee' des Beau Arts," by W.H.Auden

                          OUTLINE

I.  Introduction:
     a. The subject of the poem-human suffering
     b. Thesis/moral stance-as told through use of diction, imagery and tone.

II. Diction;
     a. Word play
     b. Stanza I's use of words prepares reader for the images in Stanza II.

III.Imagery:
     a. Landscape
     b. Characters
     c. Objects
IV.Tone:
     a. voice of disdain/disgust
     b. relationship of stanza/line with sentence/punctuation places emphasis on tone
         taken.
V.  Conclusion:
     a. moral/philosophical stance taken by speaker was that of disdain towards
         societies lack of caring and or empathy for the suffering of others.