WEEK 5/REVISION STRATEGY ESSAY

       

After reading my essay on the poem "THEME FOR ENGLISH B", by Langston Hughes, the critiquing received by my peers regarding my thesis statement were correct. The thesis statement was not clear or too long as one suggested. Lack of totally understanding the difference between the thesis statement, which is the thought put forth as a premise to be proved or maintained, as opposed to the telling of the story. Stating clearly in my revision essay, the thesis statement is, with the use of diction, tone, imagery and written in free verse, the author explores finding ones identity in a class with people who at first glance are very different from who is. Now that my thesis statement is clear the next thing that must be corrected is my use of transitioning sentences or lack of between paragraphs per the instructor. 

When writing the body paragraphs, the transition sentences used didn't identify what part of the thesis

statement was being discussed . Again attributed to the lack of a solid and clear thesis statement which caused the transition statements and paragraph topics to appear confusing. Identifying my main thesis then subtopics will improve the essays' organization and better engage the audience. My transition sentence coming into this paragraph will be as follows, setting the narrators tone. The poem begins with the instructor, asking each student to "go home and write a page tonight./And let that page come out of you--Then it will be true"(Hughes 1-5).  This is where the narrators tone changes

And his identity crisis begins.

The evidence used in the essay was clear and supported well, proper use of citations, but needed further explanation and to be linked back to main thesis. Again the lack of clearly stated thesis is central theme to the revision of this essay. Once clarified, organization would be improved, as well,

as, clarity.  Once the revisions are implemented, the essay would be a well written, thought provoking 

peace.  Which brings me to my next transition sentence. The narrator expressed doubt that the

Instructor could know what is true for him being white and he black, the only black student in the

class. "I wonder if it's that simple?/I am the only colored student in my class"(Hughes 6,9). Which clearly sets him apart from the rest of the class. At age 22 this is all he knows to be true and that he's

black. The narrator then goes on to speak about the the traits he and his classmates have that

Are similar, "I like to work, read, learn, and understand life"(Hughes 21-22). This too is very much 

My truth, which is what the entire class has in common regardless of what our differences appear

to be. Inspite of said differences the narrator acknowledges that it doesn't define who he is as a

person, "I guess being colored doesn't make me not like the same things other folks like who are 

other races"(Hughes 25-26).

In its' entirety the essays language was good. Didn't spot any grammar errors as far as my expertise goes regarding the subject of grammar.  May have over used commas, not sure but wasn't mentioned in any of the critiques.  All and all mechanics being one of the strong areas of the essay.

In conclusion, revision is definitely needed. Starting with the use of my newly defined thesis statement.  The strategy will be clearly stating the thesis statement, once stated building with

 subtopics. Using transitioning sentences to tie in each topic then tying each paragraph back to the thesis.  The sentence to conclude the essay after revising would be as follows. Although we come from different races and have different beliefs, for this class we share the commonality of writing an English paper about what is true and that is we are American.